


here to stay is a new bird

by andromedagalaxy



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Christmas, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 03:28:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13045554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andromedagalaxy/pseuds/andromedagalaxy
Summary: “Helen’s surprisingly good at the hot chocolate,” Lukas whispers, shifting a little closer to him. “You know, with her track record…”Philip snorts, shaking his head.“My mom used to make this weird eggnog thing,” Lukas says. “That reminded me, it was almost like I could taste it again—”He cuts off like he’s remembering and Philip smiles to himself. It’s something he holds great pride in, being able to draw out memories of Lukas’s mom. They seem to come to him when he’s happiest, like Philip is finding keys to doors long locked. He hopes to open them all one day.





	here to stay is a new bird

**Author's Note:**

> Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the last episode of Eyewitness. This show has affected me and touched my heart, drawn out creative feelings in me that I didn't know I had. To everyone that supports me and has said such nice things in comments and messages, I appreciate your lovely words. I love these characters to death. I love portraying every aspect of Philip and Lukas's love story in a healthy and realistic progression from what we saw on the show. To all those who have been so kind about the hundreds of thousands of words I've contributed to this fandom, thank you. You are the reason why I keep going. This is dedicated to you. Thank you. You know who you are.
> 
> This is a little Christmas fic based off the four words you guys voted for on twitter. I hope you enjoy it <3

Philip wakes up slowly, and is instantly relieved the night before wasn’t plagued with nightmares. He can’t remember his dreams, but Lukas is here, breathing softly. Philip feels pretty okay.

The air outside seeps through the window next to Philip’s bed, nipping at his exposed skin and making him tremble. He’s already got multiple layers on, but it seems to seek out the spots where his clothes bunch up, trying to burrow into his bones. Lukas makes a little noise and moves lazily in his sleep, pulling Philip closer to him. Philip still has his eyes closed but he can imagine the look on Lukas’s face, his brows furrowed as he yanks the blankets up one-handed and pulls them up and around Philip’s frame. Philip smiles to himself.

“Closer,” Lukas grunts. “Too cold.”

Philip jams his leg further between both of Lukas’s legs, plastering himself against his side. 

Lukas groans, still trying to arrange the blanket around them both. He kicks the comforter up with the tips of his toes but it only pools around their knees. Lukas sighs and strains to grab it with the hand that isn’t around Philip’s shoulder, huffing before he finally does it, hauling it up and over them. “Closer,” Lukas says again.

Philip snorts. “If I get any closer I’ll be on top of you.”

“Perfect,” Lukas says.

Philip smiles again and scoots so he’s half on top of Lukas, rubbing his chest. He doesn’t feel cold anymore, the blanket and comforter trapping their body heat and locking out the biting freeze of the outside. Philip is wearing his favorite hoodie of Lukas’s and Lukas picks at one of the little threads coming loose in the arm. 

“What time is it?” Lukas whispers, stretching a little bit, his hand tracing a well-worn path up and down Philip’s back. 

Philip pops one eye open. His vision is blurry, but he can make out the blinking red numbers. “A little after nine,” he says. 

“More sleep,” Lukas says, nuzzling Philip’s forehead. “Warm.”

Philip knows they’re supposed to go to town later with Helen and Gabe, but that’s later later. They can skip breakfast, sleep in. It’s getting warmer and warmer.

~

Helen and Gabe are a couple paces ahead of Philip and Lukas as they walk down the street, the wind rippling Helen’s scarf and casting it back over her shoulder. They’re holding hands just like Philip and Lukas are, and every time Helen laughs Philip can’t help but smile.

“Philip,” Helen says. “Tell him he needs to tell me already.”

“Gabe,” Philip says. “Are you still playing this game?”

“Are you holding out on telling her what you want for Christmas?” Lukas asks.

“How’d you guess?” Gabe asks, laughing as Helen pokes him in the stomach. 

“The day is rapidly approaching,” Helen says. “And he’s insisting on being difficult. For fun.”

“I already got your gift,” Lukas says, leaning in and whispering in Philip’s ear. He plants a quick kiss to his cheek and pulls away, smiling proudly.

“Oh yeah?” Philip asks, well aware of this, because Lukas hid the camera and its lenses in his closet and Philip found them when he was looking for a jacket. He nearly had a heart attack and tried not to wake Lukas up tip-toeing back to the bed, smiling hard as he cuddled against his chest. Philip probably won’t ever get used to Lukas paying for so much shit, a lot of it expensive, but Lukas is dead-set and it’s hard to make him stop. Philip tries to make up for it sometimes, paying for little things here and there out of his allowance, but Lukas is relentless. Philip got him a new helmet and riding jacket with Helen and Gabe’s help, and Philip can’t wait to see the look on his face. 

“Hey, we’re gonna go in here real quick,” Lukas says, tugging on Philip’s hand. They duck into a little clothing store and Lukas makes a bee-line for a rack in the corner with a bunch of Christmas sweaters. He looks at Philip, grinning. “You need one of these.”

Philip scoffs, looking at the closest one. There are about twenty wreaths woven on it with snowmen in the middle. It’s bright red. 

“Do you, like…like me at all?” Philip asks, cocking his head.

Lukas holds it up to him. It’s way too big, would hang on him like this old gray raincoat he used to have when he was younger, but Lukas’s eyes light up and he nods over and over. “Adorable,” he says. “Imagine how warm.”

Philip looks down at the wreaths from this angle. “I don’t know if it’s worth it.”

“What if I get one too?” Lukas asks, grinning. “Matching. Matching ugly sweaters.”

“Really?” Philip asks, raising his eyebrows. 

Lukas leans in, pressing their mouths together in a quick kiss. “Christmas morning. Both of us in ugly sweaters opening presents. Hundreds of ridiculous sweater selfies.”

They’d already discussed Christmas. Lukas is gonna sleep over on Christmas Eve and spend most of Christmas with them. Bo is gonna come over for dinner. It’s the first time they’re gonna try something like this, and Philip is excited and nervous at the same time. Things with Bo still aren’t the best, but they’re slowly getting better. Philip has been through so much shit that Bo has almost had to start acting like a normal human being. Philip just hopes he leaves all his judgmental shit at the door.

“I’m kidding!” Lukas says, hanging the sweater back on the pole and laughing, rubbing Philip’s shoulder. “You look horrified.”

Philip laughs, deflating a little bit. “You’re really kidding?”

“Of course,” Lukas says, grinning, motioning for Philip to follow him out of the store. “I’d never wear one of those things. But you’d definitely look cute.”

“Can we still do the hundreds of selfies?” Philip asks, as Lukas takes his hand again. 

“Duh,” Lukas says, as the cool air hits them when they push outside. Helen and Gabe are a little ways down the sidewalk peering into a window, and Philip sees Gabe press a long kiss to Helen’s forehead.

He’s been trying to be normal. Focus on the things he loves. He’s been a little afraid Christmas would hurt too much without his mom, but he’s been doing okay so far. He just needs to keep his center. Remember that he and Lukas made it. Remember that Helen and Gabe are right when they say his mom would want him to be happy. He knows she would. It’s all she really ever wanted.

“What’d you get them for Christmas?” Lukas asks, whispering as they approach. 

“I developed this portrait of the three of us,” Philip says, his cheeks coloring. “Got a nice frame…it’s definitely not enough, but the picture is good…”

“That’s a really good gift, Philip,” Lukas says, squeezing his hand. “They’ll love it.”

Philip chews on his lower lip, nodding at him. He hopes so.

~

“Oh wow,” Philip says, approaching the little tree with all the cards hanging on it. It’s shining in silver, swaying a little bit in the wind. There are two people in front of it but they’re already talking to a man and a woman each. “Is this—”

“Angel tree,” Lukas says.

Philip looks over his shoulder. Helen and Gabe are still hanging back and they keep giving him little looks, trying to hide something they have in their bags that they bought a couple stores back. They wave him away and Philip snorts, but a warm feeling spreads throughout his chest at the idea of them hiding a gift for him. Things have been hard lately, really hard, and he really appreciates how much they’re trying. How well they’re doing. How determined they are to make him a part of their family.

It’s been hell. Losing mom, dealing with the aftermath of all the Kane shit. Some days he feels like nothing is ever gonna be okay again, that he won’t be able to move his arms, think straight, take a single step without misery striking him. But then Helen and Gabe will bring him breakfast up to his room. Helen will smooth his hair back from his forehead, Gabe will pour extra maple syrup on his waffles, and then Lukas will show up, bringing the sunshine with him. 

He’d seen the angel trees in New York growing up with his mom, had read what all the kids who wouldn’t get presents otherwise wanted. He’d never really wanted much for himself, and when his mom did get something for him he was always surprised. He’d learned pretty early that money was better spent on food and rent than toys. He’d had a little light-up thing that showed him constellations and planets, and he can distinctly remember playing with it well into the night sometimes, after Mom had gone to sleep. One of her boyfriends brought him a firetruck when he was eight, but after a couple spins around the apartment it wound up relegated to a corner. He wasn’t really sure what he liked as a kid, but when he got his first camera from the thrift store in middle school, he started to figure it out.

He can imagine all the kids with wishes on this tree. They’re probably in situations similar to how his was. 

He realizes he’s stepping closer.

“You wanna get one?” Lukas asks, and when Philip is snapped out of his reverie he’s caught off guard by the open expression on Lukas’s face. “We can,” Lukas says, looking at the tree and then back at Philip again.

“Yeah?” Philip asks. 

“We can do five if you want,” Lukas says. “Or ten. Or the whole damn tree, if you want to. I’ll help pay for the presents.”

Philip laughs a little bit, his stomach dipping and that warmth surging through his chest again. “We can pick some randomly,” he says, knowing it’d be nearly impossible to leave some behind if he actually started reading them. 

“Okay,” Lukas says. 

They talk to the people at the little table for a minute or two and then they walk around to the back of the tree—Philip’s heart is beating wildly for some reason, like what he’s gonna do here is gonna make or break something in his psyche. 

“Okay close your eyes,” Lukas says, hands on Philip’s shoulders. Philip does, laughing, and he feels Lukas direct his arm and help him take a couple steps forward. His fingers brush a card and he gently takes it off the tree, bringing it down and opening his eyes. 

_Name: Anne_  
_Age: 5 years old_  
_She wants a: Create your own enchanted fairy garden_

Philip stares down at it, chewing on his lip. “The name,” he says, as Lukas peers over his shoulder. “Did you—see it ahead of time?” There are stars in his eyes, or tears, or both. He swallows hard. 

“No,” Lukas says, stuttering a little bit. “That was completely a coincidence.”

It feels like a little sign and he nods at the card, determined to get little five year old Anne her garden set. “Let’s get a couple more,” Philip says, looking up at Lukas.

“Hell yeah, let’s get these kids some presents,” Lukas says, grinning.

~

They wind up with six cards and Helen and Gabe take four more, planning another shopping trip for tomorrow. Philip keeps the Anne card in his jacket pocket, close to his heart. He doesn’t think about it too hard for fear of crying again, but he likes that he has it, that it found its way to him.

The park has a little winter village thing set up that seems like it’s trying to imitate what happens in Bryant Park. As soon as they walk into the line of Christmas trees and turn two corners they get lost. Philip turns around and sees that Helen and Gabe didn’t follow them. 

“They’re smart,” Lukas says. “We’re probably gonna have to live here now.”

“Is it supposed to be a maze?” Philip asks.

“I don’t think so,” Lukas says. “I think it’s just supposed to be pretty but people get distracted and then that’s it. Lost in the forest.”

Philip smiles to himself, following Lukas as they get deeper into the trees. Some of them are adorned with lights, others with tinsel, and Philip wonders how long they’ve been doing this here. “Did you come here when you were a kid?” Philip asks.

“To the park?” Lukas asks.

“To this winter thing—do they always do this?”

“Oh yeah,” Lukas says. “One time I got lost in here for hours because I just sat down and started pulling the pine needles off one of the long branches.”

Philip snorts, holding onto Lukas’s elbow. 

“Dad was pissed,” Lukas says. 

“I figured,” Philip says.

“Should be an exit up here somewhere…” Lukas says, and when they turn they both gasp, stopping in their tracks. 

“Is that—is that a reindeer?” Philip asks, his voice high.

“Uh. Uh.”

It’s just standing there, huffing and chewing on something, big antlers and everything. It’s really pretty, looks really soft, but Philip is still and silent. It’s wearing a red collar with a bell on it that hangs loosely around its neck.

“Are we like—hallucinating?” Lukas asks. “Is that really a reindeer?”

It huffs again, blinking at them. 

“Uh. Yeah,” Philip says, staring at it. “I think…I think so.” It seems so calm, in no hurry to get anywhere, and it doesn’t even attempt to get around them. Philip does feel a little crazy for a second, but then a boy runs around the corner and grabs the reindeer’s collar, petting it’s head. 

“You see it too?” Lukas asks the boy, widening his eyes. 

“She keeps trying to go off on her own,” the boy says. “We have a petting zoo out back, guess you haven’t been there yet.”

“Nope,” Philip says, laughing. “We thought we were lost in the forest and seeing things.”

“You can pet her,” the boy says. “She’s a real good girl. Just likes to explore a little bit too much for somebody supposed to be the star of the show.”

Lukas cuts his eyes over to Philip and the corner of his mouth tugs up. They both reach out at the same time, tentatively petting the reindeer’s head, a little ways away from her antlers. She closes her eyes and Philip doesn’t exactly know what a happy expression for a reindeer is, but she looks like she’s wearing one. 

“You ever pet a reindeer before, city boy?” Lukas asks.

“Nope,” Philip says. “Another surprise from Tivoli.”

~

They lay on the ground close to the tree that night, their heads together, watching the way the lights blink on the ceiling. Gabe made this big pasta dinner and Philip is really full, relaxed, eager to just lay around and enjoy the warmth of the house as the hours grow long. Helen walks over, peering down at them. 

“Not going to bed yet?” she asks.

“Just a little bit longer,” Philip says.

“You guys want another hot chocolate each?” she asks, her hands on her hips.

“I definitely do,” Lukas says, and Philip can’t see him but he knows he’s grinning, can hear it in his voice. “Philip? The Helen hot chocolate special?”

Philip snorts when Helen raises an eyebrow. “Yes, please,” he says. 

Helen huffs at them a little bit and retreats into the kitchen, where Gabe is doing the dishes. They’ve got Christmas music playing, crackling through the old radio, and when Philip glances in that direction he can see them moving back in forth together, like a metronome. 

“Your dad is getting better about you staying over,” Philip says, reaching into the space between them and finding Lukas’s hand. “No calls.”

“No calls,” Lukas repeats. “Thank God. He’s always interrupting at the worst moments.”

Philip’s cheeks color a little bit. 

“So I’ll go back there tomorrow for lunch,” Lukas says. “And then I’ll meet back up with you guys when you’re going back out shopping. Plan?”

“Plan,” Philip says. 

He thinks about the lights of New York City. How the whole place seemed to buzz with Christmas spirit, and even though they couldn’t quite grasp it, he thinks he’ll always miss the little holidays he used to spend with his mom. No matter how bad things were, she was there, and they were together. 

He can feel her sometimes, when he closes his eyes. It’s harder in the miserable moments, when he gets too caught inside his own head. But it’s easier here, in the home he’s building, a sense of permanence that he’d always been chasing before. Helen and Gabe hum along to the music, little bursts of laughter coming from their direction. Lukas plays with his fingers, bringing Philip’s hand up to his mouth and kissing the core of his palm. 

“Helen’s surprisingly good at the hot chocolate,” Lukas whispers, shifting a little closer to him. “You know, with her track record…”

Philip snorts, shaking his head. 

“My mom used to make this weird eggnog thing,” Lukas says. “That reminded me, it was almost like I could taste it again—”

He cuts off like he’s remembering and Philip smiles to himself. It’s something he holds great pride in, being able to draw out memories of Lukas’s mom. They seem to come to him when he’s happiest, like Philip is finding keys to doors long locked. He hopes to open them all one day. 

“How many marshmallows each?” Gabe calls. 

“A hundred,” Lukas replies. “Two hundred for Philip.”

“We’re gonna have to get bigger mugs,” Gabe says, and Helen laughs.

The snow is coming down in sheets outside against the thick darkness, and the window has frost around the edges. It looks like a painting. Lukas shimmies around, ruffing up the rug when he moves so he’s alongside Philip now. He braces himself on his elbow so he’s staring down, and he touches Philip’s cheek. 

“You’ve got something here,” Lukas says, dragging his thumb along Philip’s cheekbone. 

“What is it?” Philip asks. 

“Not sure,” Lukas says. “Looks like melted snow or tinsel or glitter or something.”

Philip laughs. Lukas’s eyes look really blue in this light, the reds and greens and golds blinking on his face. There’s softness in his expression, something Philip once worried he wouldn’t see there again. But now he sees it a lot, every day. He knows he’s reflecting it in his own gaze, and Lukas’s mouth tugs into a smile. 

“What?” Lukas asks, hand sliding down to smooth along Philip’s neck. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Philip says. Helen and Gabe are humming _Winter Wonderland_ , spoons circling and chiming against the inside of the hot chocolate mugs. Philip can almost hear his mother’s voice joining in, light and airy, because she always did like to sing. And Lukas is looking at him like that again. Like he’s struck gold. “Yeah,” Philip says again. “I’m okay.”


End file.
